Funny courtroom sayings

1. "I object, your honor! This witness is clearly lying...or at least stretching the truth like a pair of old yoga pants."

2. "If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit...or at least consider a different size."

3. "I'm not saying my client is innocent, but if the jury finds him guilty, can we at least get a group discount on the sentencing?"

4. "I may not have passed the bar exam, but I did pass a bar last night...and that should count for something, right?"

5. "Your honor, I'd like to enter into evidence Exhibit A: this ridiculous hat the prosecutor is wearing. Clearly, their judgment is questionable."

6. "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? And if my client commits a crime and no one sees it, did it really happen? Just some food for thought, your honor."

7. "I'm not a lawyer, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. So, you could say I'm basically a legal expert now."

8. "Your honor, my client is as innocent as a kitten...unless that kitten is caught red-handed with a ball of yarn, in which case, all bets are off."

9. "I may not have all the facts, but I do have a gut feeling, and my gut is telling me that this case is a real doozy."

10. "In the words of the great philosopher Taylor Swift, 'Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.' So let's not let the haters (or the prosecution) bring us down, your honor."

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