Funny quotes sayings and stories

Sure, here are some funny quotes, sayings, and stories for you:

1. "I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug." - Unknown

2. "I'm not clumsy, I'm just testing the gravity." - Unknown

3. "I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness." - Emo Philips

4. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

5. "I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." - Steven Wright

6. "I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing." - Unknown

7. "I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands." - Steven Wright

8. "I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already." - Tommy Cooper

9. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

10. "I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious." - Michael Scott

I hope these quotes and stories brought a smile to your face!

Above is Funny quotes sayings and stories.

Valentines day sayings and quotes

1. Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. - Aristotle2. I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. - Mother Teresa3. Love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction. - Antoine de Saint-Exupé

Good license plate sayings

1. CR8TIV2. LIVE2DRV3. BEH4PPY4. THNKPOS5. XPLRMR6. LUCKYME7. SMILE4U8. DRM2RL9. BLSSD110. FREESPIR

Truth or dare sayings

Truth:1. What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?2. Have you ever lied to a friend and regretted it?3. What is your biggest fear?4. Have you ever cheated on a test or exam?5. What is your biggest secret that you've never told anyone?Dare:1. Sing a song in a funny voice.2. D

Cute role model sayings

1. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde2. In a world where you can be anything, be kind. - Unknown3. Believe you can and you're halfway there. - Theodore Roosevelt4. The only way to do great work is to love what you do. - Steve Jobs5. You are never too old to set anoth

Best dj khaled sayings

1. Another one.2. They don't want you to win.3. Bless up.4. Major key alert.5. The key to more success is to have a lot of pillows.6. Stay focused.7. Don't ever play yourself.8. Lion!9. We the best!10. The key is to make it.

Sailor mars sayings

Here are some popular sayings by Sailor Mars from the anime series Sailor Moon:1. Evil spirits, begone!2. In the name of Mars, I will punish you!3. My flames of passion will ignite your soul!4. I am the soldier of flame and passion, Sailor Mars!5. I will not let you get away with your evil

Mom sayings funny

1. I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!2. I'm not just a mom, I'm a ninja in disguise.3. I'm not yelling, I'm just projecting my mom voice.4. I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom.5. I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom.6. I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom.7. I'm

Maxine sayings on aging

1. Age is just a number, it's how you feel inside that truly matters.2. Embrace your wrinkles, they are a map of your journey through life.3. With age comes wisdom, and that is a beautiful thing.4. Don't let society dictate how you should age, embrace your uniqueness.5. Growing older is a p

Christmas card sayings for step dad

1. To my amazing stepdad, thank you for always being there for me. Wishing you a Christmas filled with love and joy.2. Stepdad, you may not be my biological father, but you are a father figure in every way. Merry Christmas to a wonderful man.3. Christmas is a time to appreciate those who make a

Sayings about the wolf

1. The wolf may fight the bear, but the wolf cannot win. 2. A wolf in sheep's clothing is still a wolf. 3. The strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is the pack. 4. The wolf on the hill is never as hungry as the wolf climbing the hill. 5. The wolf changes his coat,