Steven wright sayings

1. "I intend to live forever. So far, so good."

2. "I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."

3. "I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of widths."

4. "I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone."

5. "I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."

6. "I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."

7. "I have a map of the United States... actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.'"

8. "I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter."

9. "I'm so hyper... I can't even stop myself."

10. "I'm not sure if I'm a pessimist or an optimist. I feel like a pessimist, but I'm pretty optimistic about it."

Above is Steven wright sayings.

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